Day 19 March 31

Just got back from the doctor, my back is bothering me again and I am in alot of pain!  My husband and I have talked about this being a new chapter for us, but I have spent the last few nights feeling de-ja-vue.   Forgetting that I need to trust in the Lord, it is His new Chapter for us, His plan, and He has big shoulders right?

Maybe it's time for that box to be opened a little more, you see the last four years my families story almost sounds unbelievable.  My daughter said that when she gets close to friends at college and finally tells them the whole story they either cry and give her a hug and say " I'm sorry" or say "no way".  Even to us it sometimes seems hard to believe.  But it has only brought the five of us closer.

Most recently, I have been hospitalized in the local hospital's psychiatriac unit four times in the last  year.  Three of those with suicide attempts.  I have told very few people.  Most that know me, would find it hard to believe.  I was first diagnosed with situational depression.  Enough said for today.  That alone was so hard.  Lord,  I just keep Praising You Thru This Storm...

Day 18 March 30

My husband started back to school today!  He got accepted into a Sterile Processing Technician program.  It is only offered once a  year and they only take a limited number of students.  This has been an exciting time for us, a little nerve wracking for him too.  He has been unemployed for approx. 5 months and before that he was working his way up in a company starting at minimum wage.  All this after having had a successful career as a delivery driver for 23 years.  It has been needless to say an extremely difficult time on our kids, our family, and our marriage. What is amazing, though is to see the resilience in the kids.  We have been honest with them through everything.  They are always asking if I am ok, what I need, if we are down to our last dollar, they pitch in...  What we can learn from what seems like the innocence of a child.  Giving, sharing, trusting, so much more.  My husband and I decided that this was going to be the start of our new chapter, our kids are a good place to start. And I will keep Praising You Thru This Storm...

Day 17 March 29

Day 16 March 28

You can tell the size of your God by looking at the size of your worry list.  The longer your list, the smaller your God.  ~Author Unknown

This so applies to me.  I tend to forget that God has big shoulders and I should be handing my worries over to Him.  It is just reminding me that I forget, especially the more troubles I am trying to juggle,  it is not that He is any smaller, He is not first in my life and I am trying to handle things all on my own.  When I reflect back on things, I sure can tell those times when I was trying to be independent from Him.  It is not that all problems would have been solved, but life was chaos.  Handing my worries over and praying to God about them, doesn't mean that I will get everything that I want, but He is there to carry my load.  Life is lighter.  It is easier.  I can keep praising Him Thru this Storm...


5 days til the habit of writing daily is formed!

Day 15 March 27

Day 14 March 26

My husband just brought me back from the emergency room tonight.  One of many trips we have made in our marriage.  This September we will have been married 25 years! It really makes you stop and think about those vows we took so many years ago... For better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health. It is one of the best days of your life, but when you recite those vows on that special day you have no idea that you may experience every one of those things.  Our marriage has.  Those vows are what has held this very special relationship together.  There have been times when I have been ready to throw in the towel, but my husband believed in us no matter what.  He held strong.  I am sure there have been times when he has felt the same way, but he took those vows that day seriously, and forever.  I feel like the most blessed woman in the world to have a man stand by me as he has.  That is why Lord I keep Praising You Thru this Storm...

Day 13 March 26

Tried to post a video, but can't make it work. Kinda like my body the last few days, can't make it work either:) Don't feel like blogging, but don't want to stop the habit, so on to tomorrow...

Day 12 March 24

Yucky sick today. Back tomorrow...

Day 11 March 23

My brain wants to go and my body is just stuck!  I am getting more and more frustrated. The one thing I do know about myself is that I am very impatient!  I am figuring out  that I can beat my "monsters" and just learn to live with them so I want it NOW.  Kinda like the character in Willy Wonka who wanted it now, and she got herself in trouble. Hmmm, maybe I should think about that for a bit..."Patience is a virtue " is how the saying goes.  Maybe about time for me to learn that while I am praising You thru this storm!

Day 10 March 22

Do you ever think about your friends?  Who are your true friends? Family with unconditional love, Friends that are there through the good and the bad, friends that just ask you how you are and you always answer "ok", neighbors, e-mail friends, facebook friends.  Who do I really open up to?  Who can I really trust no matter what? I am learning that I can't worry so much about this.  One of my doctors told me recently that if you have one good friend in your life that you can always count on, that's all you will ever need.  Good advice.  I am healing, my friends are there for me if I need them, but it's me that I need to worry about.  Time for me to be selfish and get healthy.  I am going to keep praising You thru this storm!

Day 9 March 21

Today is my hubby's B-day and I have spent it sleeping and in bed.  I am so blessed to have a husband and family that says it's OK , you are OK, take a day and be down for the day.  I feel like today my brain wants to go and my body is stuck.  That's what depression does. So I am learning that I need to work with this new "monster" in my life, as my doctor says and not let it be a part of me! I found this pic and it seems to show how I want so badly to see the light while I am Praising You thru this Storm....

Day 8 March 20

Day 7

This is really Day 8 cause it's now two am, but didn't want to break the habit I am starting. More later today.....

Day 6 March 18

You say grace before meals.  All right.  But I say grace before the concert and the opera, and grace before the play and pantomime, and grace before I open a book, and grace before sketching, painting, swimming, fencing, boxing, walking, playing, dancing and grace before I dip the pen in the ink.  ~G.K. Chesterton

I have heard that it takes about 21 days to create a habit.  Today I am thankful for Day 6.  This blog started because of a suggestion from my daughter and because twice I have taken a short journaling class in the hospital.  I could see how healing journaling could be for me, but for some reason I just couldn't make it work even with a pretty journal.  Suddenly one and one make two and trying to blog just made sense.  It's a type of journal, right? And, even if nobody ever reads it. It is helping to heal me. If there is a chance that there might be something that I would say, no matter how dumb it feels to me, that might help someone else, that is just a bonus. Thank you Lord for Day 6, helping me make it to my early appt., grocery shopping with my hubby, my daughter's assembly, and the whole family being together tonight. I will keep praising You thru this storm!

Day 5 March 17 Casting Crowns-"Praise You In This Storm" (live)

Day 4 March 16

I am not a morning person and I had an appointment scheduled by telephone this morning at 9:08 am.  Yes that is 9:08 am.  What do I wake up to?  Worry, a down pour rain storm, and the birds singing in the rain outside the window.  Wow, birds singing in the rain! Praising you thru this Storm:)

Day 3 March 15

The Christmas movie with the song "Put one foot in front of the other and soon you'll be walking out the door...", has always been my favorite.  Now I am learning to live like that.  Seems like one step forward and you get pushed back on your butt.  I just have to learn to keep my faith in you Lord and my life is yours.  Yesterday we found out we owe almost three thousand in back taxes.  Go figure, our first mistake in 24 years happens when my husband is out of work. This time instead of pulling the covers over my head and going back to bed, we put our heads together and hit it head on, scared. Faith in the Lord, we had been pushed back again.  Today I get to see the biggest smile I have seen on my husband's face in many years.  He has been accepted into school, a program that he really worked hard for and will retrain him for a new job. Faith in you Lord, I will keep Praising You Thru This Storm!

Day 2 March 14

Advice from my daughter was that I needed to open up my "Box" and now I feel like  it's wide open! Nothing like the whole world being able to read what comes out of your brain to your fingertips and right to the keyboard, huh?  As I finished up my shower today, and for me the little things in life right now are an accomplishment.  I sat down and just enjoyed the warm water for a while.  What better than being in a Warm Rain Storm!?!  It hit me that I used to be able to see life thru my children's eyes.  Where have I lost that?  Yesterday in the wind and rain storm the daffodils were laying flat.  To a child a Dandelion she has just picked looks beautiful in a tupperware cup.  I see the lawn needs mowing, she sees it looks perfect for cartwheels.  I am sad when fall comes and the trees loose their leaves.  She sees the colors, size, and perfection of the leaf she just picked up off the ground.  I worry about who is around on the playgroud on the weekend.  She is so happy to be spending quality time being pushed in the swing by her Mommy.  I want to sleep late, that way day doesn't have to start right?  She is up early with an eager start waiting to see what each new day brings.  She always smiles.  Seems sometimes I have forgotten.  Thru the eyes of a child, Lord please help me to remember that and I will keep Praising You Thru This Storm!

Day 1 March 13

My college age daughter has suggested that I blog. Day 1 accomplished. I figured out how to set it up. Ha, Ha.  Thats why I am not in college. More improvements to come later.